The window is a powerful metaphor used across human cultures since we figured out a safe way to air the B.O. out of our caves and huts without becoming dinner for local predators. We use the idea of windows to symbolize openings, enlightenment, hope, vision, opportunities and options. Windows imply a locus within which endless possibilities exist, where opportunities can be seized, where understanding can be gleaned and vision can be clarified.
In her new book You, Me and our ADHD Family, Dr. Tamara Rosier leverages a concept originally developed by Dr. Dan Seigel called window of tolerance, “a state of emotional and physiological balance where we can effectively manage stress and cope with life’s challenges,” (Rosier, 2024). Some of us default to large picture windows that look out over lush green foliage, and some of us have tiny little windows like the ones in medieval castles from which archers fired arrows at approaching invaders (just found out those are called ‘loopholes’. Who knew?)
Many of us have heard and used the term “pushed my buttons” to explain emotions that may be disproportionately large relative to the trigger. While this happens to everyone, people with ADHD can experience big emotions and button-pushing more frequently than neurotypical folks (Stavraki, 2024). When your window of tolerance is wider, your buttons are less likely to be pushed, so to speak. Outside of your window of tolerance, you may feel on high alert, stressed out and act from that emotional place (hyperarousal). Or, you may feel sapped of energy, stuck and slow (hypoarousal). Within your window of tolerance, you have the capacity and ability to effectively and proportionately react to external stressors – like putting bubble wrap on your buttons, protecting them from being pushed.
Widening your window of tolerance isn’t about suppressing emotions – that doesn’t help anyone (Linder, 2024). It’s about understanding what emotional capacity you have at any given moment, what builds your capacity and what shrinks it. It is no surprise that the first step is to get in touch with what being in your window of tolerance feels like. For folks with ADHD, this may be an unfamiliar feeling, as ADHD nervous systems easily slip out of their windows of tolerance.
No-one stays within their window of tolerance all the time. We move in and out of it as we react to external situations and stimuli. The key is to know when you are out of your window, and intentionally move yourself back into it. Dr. Rosier shares some examples from her practice – for instance, downregulating to move from hyperarousal back into balance may involve exercise, meditation, or journaling. Upregulating to shake off the lethargy of hypoarousal can include splashing cold water on your face, ensuring that you are hydrated or doing some brisk exercise. Each person’s strategies to do so will be unique to them.
I love this metaphor. It gives people a concrete way to visualize their emotional, nervous and energetic states and develop their own unique ways of moving into balance, enabling them to more effectively and intentionally navigate life’s stressors. I’ve started to use this metaphor in my own self-regulation, and have begun introducing it to my coaching clients who are finding it very helpful as well.
Dr. Rosier’s book introduces a number of other powerful concepts, and we’ll be exploring those at the Quinte West ADHD Meetup group when we start our summer book club later in June.
Good luck with your own self-regulation journey, and in embracing the possibilities, hope and opportunities that come with widening your window of tolerance.
Learn More:
Linder, Jason N. (2024, March 5). Pitfalls of Supressing Emotions and Pros of Processing Them. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindfulness-insights/202312/pitfalls-of-suppressing-emotions-and-pros-of-processing-them
Rosier, Tamara. (2024). You, Me and our ADHD Family. Revell.
Stavraki, Ioanna. (February 3, 2024). ADHD Emotional Dysregulation: When Emotions Become Too Much. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/adhd-emotional-dysregulation.html
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